The SECRET! Diary of StriderAragornElessar…
by Reasonably crazy
Summary: Wow! The author is still alive! A humorous back-story on Aragorn's REAL issues and feelings.
1. Default Chapter

At last! The long-awaited (Or maybe not so long awaited. DON'T BURST MY HAPPY LITTLE BUBBLE!) sequel to The SECRET!!!!! Diary of Legolas Greenleaf: The SECRET!!!!! Diary of Strider/Aragorn/Elessar/...oh, never mind.  
  
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Entry 1  
  
Have been lurking in the dark back corner of The Prancing Pony. During the time here I've been wondering what the guys would think of me if they saw me here. I mean, what kind of name is "The Prancing Pony?" Sounds like some little girl's toy. Ugg.  
  
Have been lurking for several hours. Am fearing a butt cramp. Ah well; I still get to lurk in the dark and look intimidating, especially when the cinders in my pipe flare up. Bwahahaha.  
  
I'm freaking out some little Hobbit by staring at him incessantly. This particular stare must be exceptionally good; not only am I freaking out my victim, but his sober little friend as well. Or maybe they're just paranoid because one of them is bearing the some evil ring that could mean life or death to all of Middle Earth.  
  
Ha! Sometimes I can really crack myself up.  
  
Wait... I know Gandalf said SOMETHING about an evil ring... and didn't he say he'd left it with a Hobbit? Something along those lines... Darn it, maybe I'm not as original and witty as I thought. Guess I can't freak out little hobbit anymore, can I, seein' as I gotta save him and stuff. Dang.  
  
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Yup. I saved the Hobbits. The fool that I was freaking out before (my victim, not his sober little friend) started singing on top of the table to distract people from listening to one of his not-so-sober little friends. Or was it that he tried to shut up his drunk associate and tripped and fell?  
  
Ah, who cares? Point being: The Ring somehow ended up on his finger and called every Black Rider/Ringwraith/Nazgul (geeze, they almost have as many names as me!) upon us. So now we're slogging through the wilds. I'm actually having lots of fun. Hehehe... I'm leading them through all these unnecessary swamps and bogs, and they can't complain because I'm "the all-knowing ranger." Ha! I wish! I have absolutely no idea where I'm going. I'm just a renegade ranger. I failed Ranger School, so I've simply been running around PRETENDING to be one. Hey, it's gotten me a reputation!  
  
Hmmm... Renegade Ranger... I like it...  
  
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Entry 3  
  
The Renegade Ranger (that's me!) led the Hobbits up to some old ruins. I acted all cool and suave and pretended that they used to be something big and important. Renegade Ranger even made up some oober-cool name for it so the Hobbits would stand in awe. They did. The Renegade Ranger strikes again!  
  
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Entry 4  
  
Actually found out the names of the Hobbits. Merry (What kind of a name is that???) Pippin (Almost as bad as Merry) Sam (okay name; goes both female and male, so I have little respect for it) and Frodo (whose name is just... Weird.)  
  
Left the Hobbits alone; said something vague to them and went off to do Renegade Ranger stuff. (Okay okay, I was writing sappy love poems to Arwen. What's your point???) (Oh, this is a diary, huh. It can't have points. Except for the corners of the pages. Anyway, I'm a bit off topic.)  
  
The Renegade Ranger continued doing Renegade Ranger stuff until the Hobbits got themselves cornered by Ringwraiths/Black Riders/Nazgul. I waited until Frodo (who is the main character- I mean, the dude with the Ring) got himself stabbed by a Mordor blade. Then I, the Renegade Ranger, conveniently arrived to fight Evil.  
  
Man, I would kill for some dramatic music.  
  
Frodo got rather confused on the point whether he should slowly succumb to the poison or if he should get all cold and freaky right off.  
  
Anyway, whichever happens, I'm still taking him to Rivendell, home of my sweetie Arwen! And Elrond. But who cares about him?  
  
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End part! Make the review button happy by clicking it! Then make the text box happy by writing stuff in it! And then make the "post review" or whatever button happy by clicking that! :) 


	2. I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin

Wow! Jackie actually updated! So sorry- my evil computer of DOOM has been rather screwy lately, and, well, I worked on other fanfics instead. Heh heh. Don't hurt me! *hides*  
  
Anyway: To my faithful reviewers (who I really do adore!) (even though most have probably long forgotten about this fics existence... it's only been a few months  
  


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Wolf-sister: Glad you like... Sorry this took so long!  
  
Aero Shooter: so much for hurrying... but here's the post! Glad you like the Renegade Ranger bit. :)  
  
Elfitchick: Glad you like reading them- I like writing them. Even when they are the source of severe writer's block.  
  
Big Sister: Hi! Give TAs an extra hug for me, and tell her to steal Big Brother's slippers. IF you even need them there.  
  
BURN THE R.U.M: burn, burn, burn... hehehe, pyromaniac... The Renegade Ranger strikes again!  
  
Rinny Leonheart/Rikku: Yay! Rikku is cool! Though I don't know if I mean the Same Rikku- I like Rikku the giant blue squirrel. Nuts? And I did update... merely five months later...  
  
Beloved Fool: heh heh... I updated... *sheepish smile*  
  
Espel: Yay! I'm glad you like  
  


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Rlenavampyre14: All our suspicions have been confirmed.  
  
BloodRoses9: EEP! Lucy scares me! *cower*  
  
Lady Lanet: Pretty cool.  
  


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Entry 5  
  
Yup, we're on our way to Rivendell. I'm kinda disappointed that I actually have a place to go now- no more detours through bogs. I am most let down. Frodo keeps waking up in the middle of the night- says some dude named Peter and another dude called Tolkien keep shouting at him, one to get all freaky right now and the other to stick it out until an elf arrives.  
  
The dude's got some problems, I tell ya. To compensate, he'll be all limp and useless one moment and just fine the next. Hobbits are so screwy. Man, what would the guys think if they saw me hauling these midgets around? And it's not like I know EXACTLY where I'm going- I haven't been to Rivendell in forever. One of the Hobbits- either Merry or Pippin, can't tell the difference between them yet- keeps commenting that I don't seem to know where I'm taking them. Humph, what does HE know???  
  
... Quite a lot actually, but I won't let him know that. I just say that the Renegade Ranger is trying to throw off potential followers. A lame excuse, but these guys'll believe anything. Heck, I bet they'd believe me if I told them that I'm the King of Gondor! ..... This would be a good thing, I suppose, as I AM..... Oh well.  
  
This has got its perks though- I've taken to chucking apples at one of the Hobbits, again, either Merry or Pippin- he still doesn't know that I do it on purpose. His expression is always great!  
  
Blast it, Frodo's gone all limp and useless again. I get to carry him now, because I'm the Renegade Ranger. Joy.  
  
So glad the guys aren't around.  
  


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Entry 6  
  
I guess the Peter Jackson dude won. Frodo's not woken up since his last little limp and useless spell, and every now and then a random green goo appears around his eyes and mouth. Rather gross, really.  
  
My aim's improving- I clobbered ...Pippin? Pretty good this morning with an apple. It was the last one though, so I don't know what I'm going to chuck at him tomorrow. I think I've still got a handful of prunes or something in my pack, but they're annoyingly small and I won't get the delightful thunking noise like the apples made on impact. Lugging Frodo around has gotten really irritating. I can just see Elladan and Elrohir taunting me, along with Arathin, my arch-enemy from Ranger School. Aragorn the wanna-be Ranger, reduced to lugging limp and useless Hobbits to Daddy because Aragorn the wanna-be Ranger isn't RANGER enough to heal said limp and useless Hobbit himself. Man, I wish an Elf from Rivendell would just happen to find me and take Frodo away.  
  


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Entry 7  
  
That was supremely interesting. Arwen, my sweetie from Rivendell, arrived and said she'd take Frodo to Rivendell for me. I shouted "Yes, thank the Valar!" before I realized what I was doing. When Arwen gave me a look I made up some excuse, that I was afraid that the Nazgul would catch us on foot. Apparently that was the right thing to say- I got off the hook at any rate. Arwen was all set to ride off with Frodo, but then Glorfindel randomly appeared and insisted that HE was supposed to take Frodo to Rivendell.  
  
I'm very glad that the argument between them slipped into Elvish, because when it got heated there were some words that I was pretty sure that most of the Hobbits hadn't heard before. Arwen won in the end, with the biting remark: "Slean nid! Eio ra nid rutcha tha waerlinga nista!" "Watch out, I'm going to attack you with a hammer." Definitely a CREATIVE threat, I'll giver her that.  
  
Anyway, Frodo's off my case. One down, three to go...  
  


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Entry 8  
  
I swear if Pippin says "are we there yet" ONE MORE TIME I'm going to chuck him over the handiest cliff. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any handy cliffs through the forest on the way to Rivendell. Perhaps into the handiest stream, then. Or perhaps a River. Yes, that's it, a large, rushing river, with rapids and large rocks... But that's mean of me. I'm becoming rather distrustful of Merry. I have been ever since I caught him going through my bag... His hands were just reaching for my diary when I caught him. He insisted that he was looking for an apple to throw at Pippin. Ha; he knows that we're out of apples. Why else would I be throwing prunes at him now? Other than the fact that I don't like prunes.  
  
Sam's been the least annoying, though that doesn't mean he's not been annoying at all. He's been moping about and fretting over "Poor Mr. Frodo" ever since Arwen rode off with him. I feel a Pippin quote coming on: Are we there yet?  
  


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Entry 9  
  
I swear I am going insane. I've been reduced to playing "I Spy" with the hobbits for the last zillion and a half miles- or at least that's how long it seems. There aren't exactly a lot of "I spy" subjects. "I Spy with my Hobbit Eye: Something big, it's green and brown, it has leaves..." That's Merry's usual. Pippin's even worse. "I spy with My Hobbit eye: Something big- really big- it's blue, sometimes there are clouds..." But Sam's is the absolute worst. "I spy with my Hobbit Eye: something tall, grouchy, rather smelly, with a broken sword, greasy hair..."  
  
I at least try to be remotely original with mine; they are never trees, the sky, or me. "I spy with my non-Hobbit eye: Something small, furry, with eyes, a tail..." or "I spy with my non-Hobbit eye: Something small, bright red, it can fly..."  
  
And I cannot believe I am giving details on a stupid game of "I Spy." Last night I dreamed Elladan, Elrohir, and Arathin were calling me wussy and girly and they threw makeup at me. I'm still trying to hang onto the Renegade Ranger title, but I'm beginning to dread that one of the Hobbits will call me it at Rivendell, and then I'll never hear the end of it.  
  
Are we there yet?  
  


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Entry 10  
  
I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin I WILL kill Merry and Pippin I WILL kill Merry and Pippin I WILL kill Merry and Pippin I WILL kill Merry and Pippin I WILL kill Merry and Pippin I WILL kill Merry and Pippin I WILL kill Merry and Pippin... I mean, I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin I will NOT kill Merry and Pippin... Ah, heck, I'm going to kill them.  
  


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Entry 11  
  
Okay, I didn't kill them, all the more reason for the guys to tease me about my wussy mercy. I never exactly explained WHY I had the burning desire to throttle them until the gleam of life left their eyes, grossly mutilate their still forms before serving their lifeless bodies to the nearest trolls on a silver platter; and I'm not sure I want to explain why here for fear of this being discovered and read... Perhaps by Elrohir? Ugg, he would spread the story like wildfire. URGG! The wretched creatures found my report card from Ranger School!!! Now I know why Merry was rummaging around in my bag- either he was returning the previously stolen paper or he was looking for just such a thing to use later. He told Pippin about it, and then I caught him and Pippin carving a duplicate of it into a log! I had mentioned it to them that we were where other Rangers walked sometimes, and that we should avoid them because we didn't want there to be even a chance that they find out about Frodo, and they used that to their advantage. I would have made them carve it all out by themselves, but I didn't trust them enough, so I tied them to a tree and spent and entire afternoon scratching away at the wood with my knife so the original inscription could no longer be read.  
  
Yes, they're still alive, but if either of them even go vaguely near to mentioning it, they'll wish they weren't. Alive, I mean.  
  
WHY AREN'T WE THERE YET??????  
  
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